His Needs, Her Needs

I just finished the book below and finding it very interesting.  I started reading this book, not because my marriage is heading south but because I not only want to prevent divorce in the future but I also want to stay happily married.  This book describes how men and women generally need different things from a relationship.  Not realizing it, women give their husband needs that in reality she really needs and visa versa.  Overtime, there becomes frustration towards each other and you grow further apart each day, sometimes causing affairs. 

Here are some of my thoughts/notes on the book itself highlighting some of my favorite chapters.

Your Love Bank
He discusses a love bank that each individual person has.  It contains many different accounts that make deposits and withdrawals whenever we interact with one another.  Pleasurable interactions cause deposits, while painful interactions cause withdrawals.  As life happens, the accounts in our love bank fluctuate.  Some acquaintances keep adding deposits, while some take out so many withdrawals that they are in the “red” – meaning they cause more pain than pleasure.  While others stay at more of a balance or neutral– sometimes painful and sometimes pleasant so deposits almost equal withdrawals.   This is how we pick friends, best friends, and future spouses.

Her Needs: He describes the average woman’s needs but this can fluctuate woman to woman

1.      Affection: expression of care.  (Hugs, flowers, holding hands, a back rub, ect.) When one spouse is affectionate to the other it sends the following messages:          

·        You are important to me

·        I will care for and protect you

·        I will be there for you if you need me

2.      Intimate Conversation: Women like to talk!  Set aside time each day to talk about events, children, feelings, or plans.  She enjoys conversation especially if he isn’t too busy “just to talk”

3.      Honesty and Openness: being transparent with your spouse. 

4.      Financial Support: He assumes the responsibly to house, feed, and clothe the family by working 40-50 hours a week and not jeopardizing the family time.  While he encourages his wife to pursue a career if it is her desire, they don’t depend on it for living expenses. 

5.      Family Commitment: Spending time with the children by reading to them, playing sports, being a teacher of the Bible and the life of Jesus. 

His Needs: Again, describing the average man’s needs but fluctuate depending on the man

1.      Sexual Fulfillment: The wife meets this need by becoming a terrific sexual partner.

2.      Recreational Companionship: Enjoying activities together.  (hunting, fishing, playing sports, working out, going to car shows, amusement parks and bible studies are just some examples)

3.      Physical Attractiveness: She keeps herself physically fit (diet and exercise), wears hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that he finds attractive.  He is attracted to her in private and proud of her in public.

4.      Domestic Support: She manages household responsibilities in a way that encourages him to spend time at home enjoying his family. (cooking meals, washing dishes, cleaning house, ect)

5.      Admiration: He likes compliments!  Be careful not to criticize him = can hurt him deeply.  Remind him of his value and achievements to maintain his self confidence.  Be proud of him!

Again, these aren't necessarily the NEEDS you or your spouse may have but the point is men and women have different needs.  If those needs are being met – everyone stays happily married!  At lease Willard F. Harley, Jr. says so!  J